


Enchiridion Marrissa

by Skepness Man Beauregarde (CreativityTheEmotion)



Category: Homestuck, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins, Invader Zim, Portal (Video Game), Team Fortress 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-11
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24354196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreativityTheEmotion/pseuds/Skepness%20Man%20Beauregarde
Summary: When everyone around you is a moron from an objective perspective, the task, by necessity, falls onto you to document your own universe.Set in the MarrissaTheWriter mythos.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	1. Foreword by Pres. Curiosity Snow

#  **_Enchiridion Marrissa_ **

**_\- a guide to the universe of ITS MY LIFE! and TEEN FORTRESS 2 -_ **

* * *

It is a great pleasure for me to write this foreword. For you see, this encyclopedia depicts the great wars between different races, factions and Critics United's ultimate rule over humanity and other races on Earth, and I am very much happy whenever I read this. And yes, I'm going to be that much of a fanboy of Critics United as to write an entire foreword about it. I am, after all, the first effective ruler of the world Critics United has.

As I said before, Critics United rules, and you rule for liking Critics United and continuing to read the document that could be very dangerous in the past.

\- Curiosity Snow, leader of Critics United AG (Anno Glorii) 2100-2175


	2. Introduction

Wow, even I, a falmer troll, think you're taking it too far.

Anyhow.

This enchiridion is actually not meant to be published anywhere inside the universe which it describes. As Curiosity Snow said, it would be too dangerous and someone that is not me should condense it into a tourist's guide to be spread across other universes. HEY CHECK IT OUT HERE'S A COOL UNIVERSE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME TO IT.

Oh your civilization doesn't have interuniversal travel?

Suckers. Do I really have to start to run an intergalactic bus to get you all to visit the great dominion of Critics United?

Whatever. If you're reading this and you're not in the universe it describes, and your civilization hasn't invented intergalactic travel yet, just save it for future generations and if possible, cryo-freeze yourself.

why am I still typing this

Have a great holiday in our universe,

\- Skepness Man, compiler and editor ca. AG 2187


	3. Species Descriptions

###  **_\- Humans_ **

**_(Homo desapientis)_ **

Nothing really interesting to say here. They walk on two legs and use two hands with five fingers on each to handle things and they have existed for as long as anyone can remember and most of them type poorly. Moving on.

###  **_\- Powerful humans_ **

**_(Homo desapientis buxomus)_ **

A result of a human being injected with a special needle. So far the only needle that I know can turn a human powerful is in Portal High School ca. AG 1998 and it was used to make two people powerful, Caroline and Assirram Strebor. Also whatever in this needle can pass through female bloodline only for some odd reason, as it did from Caroline to Marrissa Roberts and from Marrissa to Chell Junior.

How to tell them apart:  _ They're a complete Mary Sue. _ Absolutely everyone adores them, they immediately get a busty chest (because the needle only affects females), like,  _ everything _ will turn out in their favor and if you turn out to be in their way, you  _ will _ die. Also they gain paranormal powers such as the ability to teleport things around, spontaneously combust their enemies, glow electrically to kill someone, immunity to gases etc. and no one could possibly defeat them. No seriously. Stop trying.

What to do upon encounter of one: Try and act friendly around them. If you spite a powerful human, you will die in a certain time period, and there is no use fighting back  _ or _ trying to run/hide in whatever toilet universe you descend from.

###  **_\- Human/animal hybrids_ **

What you get when a human and an animal mate together. They have, like, the advantages of both human sentience and animal strength/speed/agility/senses/whatever, but show little to no animalistic behavior. Kind of like what you call "furry fandom" in one universe, even though in it humans and animals can't mate. Like powerful humans, they are rare and I should make a list of them.

How to tell them apart: Look for animal appearance. A human/dog hybrid, like Jared Halley and Scot Parkour, should have dog ears and a dog snout, for example. Since animals are too plentiful to describe in detail, just have a rule of thumb: anything in an otherwise human being that belongs to the animal kingdom, it's a human/animal hybrid.

What to do upon encounter of one: Talk to them like you would talk to a normal human. Most of them accept being part animal, but just in case, try not to mention anything relating to their identity as a human/animal hybrid.

###  **_\- Robots and human/robot hybrids_ **

**_(Homo metallicus)_ **

Portal Labs and Cave Jonson (the evil twin) created artificially intelligent robots, and some, like Gir, were imported from other places, but then they spread and became an equal part of humanity of our universe and, like animals, mated with humans and produced hybrids.

How to tell them apart: A robot can take various forms from a tiny nanobot that you have to record the speech of and slow it down to an entire train like Thomas the Tank Engine, so again here's a rule of thumb. If it talks and the messages aren't pre-recorded, you have a robot. For human/robot hybrids, same rules apply as for human/animal hybrids.

What to do upon encounter of one: I don't care if in your universe robots are loyal servants of humans that would never think of themselves as equal to humans, the robots over here are just like humans in all psychological respects and you have to treat them like you would treat a human. Again. Mentioning that they are fully or partially robotic seems to be fine.

###  **_\- Falmer Trollz_ **

**_(Homo flamabilis trollicus)_ **

The kind that founded Critics United. Regular humans claim we suck and need to die, and powerful humans actually proceed to kill us off for no apparent reason, but I always tell them (the regular humans, not the powerful humans) it's probably our kind that founded the civilization. Of course, there are no credible sources confirming that, but whatever.

How to tell one apart: They actually know their way around proper spelling and grammar, don't adore a  Mary Su- powerful human and often claim people are OOC for no reason. No physical difference from regular humans can be found, so don't try to tell a human and a falmer troll apart by clothing.

What to do upon encounter of one: Nothing different from regular humans. Of course, if one is aware you are aware of the difference between regular humans and falmer trollz, don't under any circumstance call them a regular human. I'm serious. We're not the same as everyone else.

###  **_\- Cherub Trollz_ **

**_(Homo flamabilis extremicus)_ **

What happens when you take a falmer troll one step further. The disgust towards this universe and regular humans consumes them and they become zombie-like terrors that, while still typing regularly, don't care much for the basic logic of our universe and will try to kill even a powerful human.

How to tell one apart: Forest green skin (and liking of the forest green color in general), no hair, cheek protrusions with colored spirals and/or circles on them. They have only the ability to hate, hate and again hate, except for one named Calilope or Cantaloupe, but she tries to disguise herself as an alien with candy corn horns and grey skin so why am I talking about her in the cherub troll section.

What to do upon encounter of one: Show that you share their eternal hate of everything, and, like with other species, do not talk about how they're different. That is really much it.

###  **_\- Aliens with candy corn horns and grey skin_ **

This species is different from others in that it doesn't originate here on Earth. If asked where they do come from, some will say they're from Altair and some will say they're from Belarus, but they're principally the same species, except the Belorussian ones are slightly nicer. They integrate to the human society just as well as animals or robots, and are able to mate with humans. And also why are you looking for information on them here. Go read  [ Enchiridion Alternia ](http://www.mspaforums.com/showthread.php?41018-The-Enchiridion-Alternia) instead. Yes, I know, the names are similar, but that’s how it works.

How to tell one apart: Well, take a wild guess. (Hint: it's the candy corn horns and grey skin)

What to do upon encounter of one: Nothing special applies. You can mention their difference from/superiority/inferiority to humans and/or other species just fine.

###  **_\- Irkens_ **

Is there anyone I'm forgetting? Oh, yes, these ones. They seem to be part of the Gloria Deschanel myth and invade Portal High School in great numbers and generally have more influence on our history than aliens with candy corn horns and grey skin.

How to tell one apart: Electronic disguises. When the disguise is off, they should have lime skin, purple eyes that look like lava lamps, thin black antennae and an Irken Invader logo (figure 3.1). But of course, they'll never turn the disguises off, so that sentence was useless. They are also allergic to water.

What to do upon encounter of one: You constantly have to mention humans stink. Then an Irken can approve of you and think that perhaps you should ally with them, and that you're not human at all.

**_Figure 3.1. The Irken Invader logo_ **


	4. History

_ Note: For the sake of simplicity, all events shall be named and described in the past tense, independently from the time when the editor was alive or the time when you might land with the enchiridion and/or any derivative works in hand. _

###  **_\- Portal High School pre-Principals Business Man and GLaDOS_ **

The history of our universe begins with what may be the temporal constant of the universe, Portal High School (though, before the era of Principals Business Man and GLaDOS it was simply called The School/Skool).

The possibly earliest point in our history is only described as a myth, and time travel doesn't actually work before this point due to a cataclysmic event. Nevertheless, the myth goes that there was a Mary Sue, Gloria Deschanel or Gloria the Second Coming of Christ, who befriended and converted an Irken named Invader Zim: Born Again Christian, while a human named Dib was revealed to be the Antichrist. Dib and Gloria had a huge showdown, during which Zim died a heroic death, Gloria won and tried to bring the entire humanity, that was killed in the process, back, but failed and only created what looked like the previous Earth, but with permanently corrupted knowledge of history, science and language. Like on the purported previous Earth, the United States was a dominant country and proceeded to rule over the rest of the world for nearly two thousand years until Portal Labs came. Because of the myth, possibly fictional years before the cataclysmic event are named Before Deschanel (BD) and years after it are named Anno Glorii (AG).

For centuries after Gloria Deschanel, the society remained the same. Irkens and human Mary Sues, as well as a few male Gary Stus, frequently came to The School and made it a huge telenovella with complicated romance between Irkens, Mary Sues and regular humans. Society otherwise, due to corrupted knowledge leading to contradicting discoveries, showed absolutely no signs of progressing, though occasionally pure magic would lead people to believing it actually progressed.

###  **_\- Portal High School during Principals Business Man and GLaDOS's rule_ **

In AG 1978, a person claiming to be from the future, Business Man, arrived. His presence in the future has been confirmed by reliable sources. Originally, he seemed like an ordinary Gary Stu by marrying a Mary Sue of the local time, whose name is highly variable in various sources but who can be referred to by the initials Gl. M. without any ambiguity, and becoming the principal of what he renamed to Portal High School, as part of what has been confirmed to be a stable time loop.

Upon ascension, however, Principal Business Man's moves on Portal High School were described as revolutionary. He was the first to establish a time travel exam, among exams of various other sciences that, according to him, were mundane in the future, but were shown to have moved the society forward since they were presented.

During the school years 1997-1998, the gang TEEN FORTRESS 2, originally founded as a group of bullies, caused an incident after which the Gl-M person, or Principal GLaDOS, ascended. She also set some reforms, such as the one student in - one student out rule that was applied to employment in Critics United long after Portal High School dissolved.

However, Principal GLaDOS's reign was short-lived as Principal Business Man, the converted TEEN FORTRESS 2 and Gabe Jonson united against her and Cave Jonson finally killed her at a senior graduation party. When he returned, Principal Business Man started reconstructing Portal High School's building to a sentient killing machine after the late Caroline, Gabe Jonson's girlfriend and Principal Business Man's and Principal GLaDOS's daughter, was converted to the evil computer GLaDOS.

During the next ten years, Principal Business Man successfully defended Portal High School and his own mansion, Blue Portals Development Center, against GLaDOS. In 2008, however, the great principal was assassinated by an ever-eclectic woman, Interdimentol Portaller.

###  **_\- Portal High School during Principal Interdimentol Portaller's rule_ **

During her rule, Principal Interdimentol Portaller's mission statement was to cancel anything and everything that Principals Business Man and GLaDOS had made. For example, the time travel and other exams were immediately pulled out and the one student in - one student out rule was also amended, creating the same romantical drama that existed before Principal Business Man's arrival.

This campaign, however, didn't last for long. Principal Interdimentol Portaller neglected the defense of Portal High School from GLaDOS and Cave Jonson, who together founded Portal Labs in AG 2011.

###  **_\- Portal Labs (Gabe Jonson's era)_ **

Gabe Jonson, while in rule of Portal Labs, proceeded to make even more inventions that the outside world would inherit, such as the three colors of paint: blue, orange and white, none of which had absolutely any special functions whatsoever. He also invented the Portal Lab Gun, which allowed consistent and predictable opening of space-time portals.

However, being the insane man he is, he also created the testing. Unique to Portal Labs, the testing usually involved human test subjects, oversized cubes and buttons, the Portal Lab Gun and the paint, and required the human test subject to solve a test and proceed onto the next one.

Gabe Jonson died when GLaDOS accidentally supplied him a glass of white paint instead of coffee in AG 2041. He made a request to make him to a robot before he died, but that wish went unfulfilled.

###  **_\- Portal Labs (GLaDOS's era to the end of ITS MY LIFE!)_ **

GLaDOS continued the legacy of Gabe with more inventions. She created the cryo-freezing, so human test subjects could be stored with little to no effort and reawakened for testing, and the bipedal robots, meant to replace humans for if when the humans all died out. This however didn't quite work out and robots started oppressing humans, because robots believed to be superior to humans, seeing as the leader of Portal Labs was a robot.

One such human, Marrissa Roberts, who turned out to be a powerful human, recovered a robot ball called Wheatley from space, where he was accidentally shot to, and for the good of herself, Wheatley and her sister Chell, slowly dissected the Portal Labs, killing GLaDOS, the most notorious oppressors Altas and P-Boy/P-Body, the fusion of GLaDOS and the late Chell and lastly her evil clone, Assirram Strebor, who she unwittingly caused the creation of in the past.

For a while, Marrissa was acknowledged by Wheatley, who Marrissa married, as the leader of Portal Labs, but because of unknown reasons, Marrissa, Wheatley and their daughter Chell Junior had to leave Portal Labs.

###  **_\- Outside world after Portal Labs' founding_ **

As far back as AG 1985 foreign contamination was detected from time travel. This caused some humans to mutate into falmer trollz, which differed from the former with the proper spelling and grammar and intense hate for humans. One of the first falmer trollz to exist, Skep Katty and Ring Mater, founded groups, The Half-World and Telltale Fanfic Theater 3000, dedicated to consistent and progressive conversion of humans to falmer trollz and the "MSTin" of what regular humans had written. The dwindling number of regular humans created a separation between humans and falmer trollz, and soon they became two different worlds, only exchanging information.

However, all changed with some robot created by GLaDOS, called Piestacker Curiosity Snow. He and some falmer trollz who overdosed steroids and became the first cherub trollz, such as Dork Jewel and Monotony Homophobe, ended up establishing Critics United, a faction that hoped to defeat an enemy that wasn’t an enemy yet. In the process, they created an annual event, in which they took twenty-four people from the non-falmer world and had them participate in a fight to death in a closed and supervised but expansive arena, which was nicknamed "The Hunger Games".

Over seventy-four years the most that happened was the calibration and testing of the system. The Capitol was created to host all the falmers so they weren't participating in the Games, the Quarter Quells, making the oppression of the falmers even harder, stuff like that.

Oh. And the trial of Jared Halley. Can't forget that. Candacension Pixies found her and specifically brought her to a Quarter Quell, and as a powerful human/dog hybrid, she fought through the games pretty well, but there was this other guy, Harmish UberNasty, who also fought through the games pretty well and the showdown between Harmish and Jared was pretty epic, but in the end Harmish won.

_ Didn't stop Dick Stiller from writing an epic series about Jared Halley. _

###  **_\- Outside world during THE MARRISSA GAMES_ **

So essentially Marrissa Roberts woke up and found the  dystopia utopia that Critics United had created, and was immediately reaped into the Hunger Games, because she is a powerful human. She was reaped along with two other District Twelves, Pimprose Evergreen and Peeta Peeta Sandwich Eata, who apparently is the brother of Principal GLaDOS for some odd reason. Yet “Curiosity Snow” didn’t deem that enough and tried to kill her earlier on, but guess what - she is a Sue and she survived.

Naturally, the games were still going to happen, but Critics United had yet another trick up their sleeves. Since the games Marrissa partook in were the 74th, and the game number after that, 75, screams Quarter Quell, the Capitol squeezed two games into one: one out of twenty-five proper tributes and one out of two hundred and forty Andord Hell zombies, taking place in the same arena, so the tributes were more likely to die. But then, as it turns out, Portal Labs, sans GLaDOS, had an even BETTER trick up their sleeves. No, not Marrissa. Sorry.

Whipe Whittacker.

He made a floating Portal Labs facility and recruited Wheatly to chant Expecto Petroleum to kill all the zombies and everyone else except Curiosity Snow, who was really GLaDOS, and Marrissa. Surely enough, Marrissa won and brought everyone back to life, and that's how the double Hunger Games ended.

###  **_\- Outside world post-THE MARRISSA GAMES until Candacension Pixies_ **

Abraman Linkin Park, who was one of the resurrected good guys, then established a second set of Hunger Games. They took place more often and featured the falmerz exclusively, rather than the non-falmerz. One of them featured a tribute named Skepness Man, who was accidentally brought back to life as a good guy, but turned out to be a falmer. Skepness Man then-

Oh for the love of Gloria Deschanel, if history of the world involves me, I'm going to write it in the first person,  _ period! _

I then found this time machine thing. Apparently Principal Business Man couldn't live through the loss of his wife and me and escaped to the past to cause his revolution. I escaped to the past, then walked several miles away, then escaped to the future, where I ended up at the organizational HQ of the games in question. I ended up shattering everything, all the people surrendered and canceled the games, I canceled all further Hunger Game ripoffs and got around to watching how Marrissa Roberts, in extreme despair, became a goth emo despite promising everyone in her astonishing literature that she wouldn't, and committed suicide.

And there's twenty-four years in which there was nothing but an anarchy which Abraman Linkin Park sat through, not knowing what to do, despite the fact that his alternate universe self ended slavery, whatever that is. These were the twenty-four years in which everyone expected an alternate universe Napoleon Bonaparte to fix everything.

And  _ she  _ arrived.

###  **_\- Candacension Pixies' rule_ **

Candacension Pixies, an alien with candy corn horns and grey skin but very clearly in favor of falmer trollz, with the powers of her entire planet and her monster pet “Cthulhu”, killed Abraman Linkin Park and the rest of people on the side of Marrissa on 11th November, AG 2211, a day called the 2x3 Prong Day, or simply 11-11. She then took control of a new version of Critics United, and, seeing as Abraman Linkin Park essentially re-founded the United States with the name “Critics United” forbidden to ever be mentioned, started her own campaign of cruelty. This date became the new epoch, from which dates were named “post-Condensation”, or PC.

During Candacension's rule the oceans were greatly flooded with water from her original home, Alcatraz. This however caused the slow demise of humanity, which was completely separated into falmerz and non-falmerz without any sort of interaction, and Candacension stopped the flooding.

For the next century, Candacension started desperately trying to unite the falmerz and non-falmerz, only for her plan to backfire spectacularly as the falmerz and non-falmerz united  _ against  _ Candacension and, with the "mayor" Wantagruel Vasebreaker in front, briefly de-crowned Candacension.

The fish alien then concentrated her powers for a second time and got in control again. She created a cat with the powerful human genes, the God Cat or simply the GCat, who always ensured that the civilization stay in its place. However, the society eventually died out to four individuals: two non-falmerz, Janet Roberts and Jack London, and two cherub trolls, Cantaloupe and California.

###  **_\- Era of Janet Roberts and co._ **

Around AG 2622, two more non-falmer humans, Dick Stiller and Roxee Lovonde, arrived from the past at this future. Candacension Pixies, utterly pissed off that the human population increased that much, made it so each of the four humans could become an alien of her species: Janet Roberts could become Meanie Pixies, Jack London could become Chronos Ampersand, Roxee Lovonde could become Whores the Hock and Dick Stiller could become Merlin LeJoin.

During the last days of Earth, Candacension created a game, Sburb Alpha, so that the humanity could escape to the Incipisphere. This plan in the end ended up backfiring, as Janet, Jack, Roxee and Dick escaped to the past, and Candacension Pixies used the Red Miles to try and shatter the Earth to pieces, ending its history.

###  **_\- Appendix A: Condensed timeline_ **

ca. 4.6 billion BD: Earth forms

ca. 100 BD: Some archaeological discoveries, possibly fake, date back to this date

1 BD: Gloria Deschanel's mythos take place

From AG 1 on: Nothing really interesting happens

AG 1978: Principal Business Man arrives

AG 1998: Foundation is made for Portal Labs

AG 2008: Principal Interdimentol Portaller seizes control of Portal High School

AG 2011: Portal Labs established, Portal High School dissipates

AG 2041: Cave Jonson dies, GLaDOS seizes control of Portal Labs

AG 2100: Critics United founded, the Hunger Games first organized

AG 2155: Claimed "time of Portal 1" in Portal Labs

AG 2174: Marrissa Roberts defeats Assirram Strebor and participates in the 74th Hunger Games

AG 2187: This enchiridion created

AG 2211: Candacension Pixies takes over Critics United

AG 2345 (134 PC): Earth's flooding reaches its peak

AG 2422 (211 PC): Wantagruel Vasebreaker's revolution

AG 2624 (413 PC): The Red Miles presumably destroy the Earth

###  **_\- Appendix B: Rulers of various factions (list)_ **

####  **_\-- Presidents of the United States and leaders of Critics United (1900-2624)_ **

Blue \- United States,  red \- Critics United

  1. DC(J) Scratch (1884-1923)
  2. Kristen Columbia (1923-1955)
  3. Tom Jealousy/Hella Jeff (1955-1969, 1981-1992)
  4. Gorgeous Man fom Forks Waschington (1969-1981)
  5. Abraman Linkin Park (1992-2007, 2175-2211)
  6. Franklin Roguelike (2007-2049)
  7. JFK (2049-2062)
  8. Gorgeous Nomber 2 (2062-2079)
  9. Barack Obana (2079-2098)
  10. Millhouse Cape-Torn (2098-2100)
  11. Curiosity Snow (sock puppet of GLaDOS) (2100-2175)
  12. Candacension Pixies (2211-2422, 2422-2624)
  13. Wantagruel Vasebreaker (2422 April-July)



####  **_\-- Principals of Portal High School (1900-2011)_ **

  1. Albert Dumblydore (1823-1976)
  2. Sectumsempra Sanpe (1976-1978)
  3. Principal Business Man (1978-1997, 1998-2008)
  4. Principal GLaDOS (1997 November-1998 April)
  5. Interdimentol Portaller (2008-2011)



####  **_\-- Leaders of Portal Labs (2011-2211)_ **

  1. Gabe/Cave Jonson (2011-2041)
  2. GLaDOS (2041-2174)
  3. Marrissa Roberts (2174 June-July)
  4. N/A (2174 July-2175 January)
  5. Wipe Whitetaker (2175-2211)




	5. Notable factions and their inventions

Right like I am supposed to preach about how people alone are nothing in the history unless they're really important and factions or groups of people are more important than the people themselves but that kind of doesn't apply to my universe that was driven by morons.

###  **_\- Portal High School and Portal Labs_ **

As mentioned a couple of times before, The Skool existed for as long as anyone can remember, but from Principal Business Man's era on Portal High School and Portal Labs kicked ass until THE BIGGEST MARY SUE EVER Marrissa Roberts had to destroy it because some robots beat her up.

###  **_\- Inventions of Portal High School and Portal Labs_ **

####  **_\-- Portals_ **

You know, that's why the whole faction is called  _ Portal _ High School or Labs or whatever. They're like... Imagine two large gaping holes that you can open and put a whole bunch of bricks over it and you claim HEY LOOK THERE'S A HOLE IN THE WALL and a gullible human throws a little steel ball at the blue portal behind an unfinished wall and the orange portal is on the floor and the ball flings back to the gullible human and the gullible human chokes on it and dies. Congratulations, another victory for the falmer trollz.

####  **_\-- Robots_ **

Some bare description is already in the species descriptions, but it's okay, I can repeat myself. They're just like humans, except they're metal and can be any shape, from Jerry the Nanobot to Thomas the Tank Engine. They even mate with humans just fine, but then animals also do that so that's no big surprise in my universe.

####  **_\-- Tests_ **

The thing Portal Labs is wasting time on, and the reason for its demise. Tests are conducted in a test chamber, which usually also has some inventions but they do not leave the test chambers but no one cares, and the human/robot/hybrid/falmer troll/cherub troll/alien with candy corn horns and grey skin/Irken/other sentient species has to creatively have the test chamber's doors open, because Portal Labs simply can't have the door open to begin with. Lame, why am I talking about this, going on.

####  **_\-- Time travel_ **

Imagine a form of instantaneous travel like the portals, but through time instead of space. They take various shapes, so again here's a rule of thumb: if there is a numpad and you can enter the date/time and it isn't a clock, it's a time machine. Oh, and try not to cause any of the events described here not happen. Our universe's time is flexible, but it isn't infinitely flexible.

Of course there are various devices that detect the influence of time travel built by Principal Business Man but that is unimportant moving on to the best faction in our universe.

###  **_\- Critics United and BC Corp_ **

No, seriously. There is no reason not to love Critics United. How they combine the best inventions of Portal Labs and the driving urge to refound the world as close as possible to how it was before Gloria Deschanel.

Upon founding, Critics United effectively started taking over the non-falmer world and organized oppressions on it such as the Hunger Games you know this shit.

###  **_\- Inventions of Critics United and BC Corp_ **

####  **_\-- The Appearifier and Sendificator_ **

Yes, these objects have to exist and be described as a pair because honestly the idea that an appearifier could both appearify and sendificate items is so stupid I wish someone would appearify this page of the manuscript and sendificate me one that is more smart and less dumb.

Anyhow, they can transport things across the spacetime. In particular, the appearifier can extract any object from our verse to its location, and the sendificator can do the opposite, because no, two entirely different sciences are behind the appearifier and the sendificator so shut up and the first paragraph remains.

####  **_\-- Sburb Alpha_ **

Ah, the game which spontaneously causes meteors to attack our Earth and transport people and houses outside the verse, but inside some distinctively related middle-verse from which other verses are accessible, The Incipisphere.

It's a cool game and you should check out any game in your verse that has the name have five letters, of which the first is S and the last is B. Like, right now. And once you're in the Incipisphere, look for a Skaian system that has one lifeless planet, a Derse destroyed by the Red Miles and no Veil, as its Skaia successfully defended itself from the Reckoning for its entire duration. That will lead to our verse.

Oh, you have no idea what I just said?

Throw some at least formerly alive object into a seizure kernel released by the Cruxtruder and he will explain you. Just make sure to make it clear to him you're not here to try and win the game, and, just in case, steal the White King's scepter.

###  **_\- Other_ **

What else is there? Oh, right, the rumored rival of Portal Labs. Black-Eyed Peas or something. Dismissing that claim, as the Black-Eyed Peas didn't invent the Incipisphere or anything interesting. They do claim to have visited what they call "Xen", but it's uninhabitable and the Black-Eyed Peas' invention list ends.


	6. Culture

Simply enough, when making your way to our verse, you will want to get the feel of it. Listen to some music, read what our fine authors have written besides this enchiridion, things like that.

###  **_\- Music_ **

####  **_\-- Averil Lovonde and My Kemonkal Romonse_ **

Our resident "goffik eemow" artists. Their music is really depressing and may convert you, suddenly dying your hair black and making you cut yourself, and it's surprising they survived for that long.

And of course everyone over here knows Averil and Gerod have a child that may be the first falmer troll, one of the last humans alive and that other girl in love with an alien with candy corn horns and grey skin. They're famous people.

###  **_\- Literature_ **

####  **_\-- Andrew Hussitey_ **

The author of the best-selling Problem Sleuth series. I'm fairly sure that's the only thing he ever did. The aliens with candy corn horns and grey skin? Cherub trollz? Totally not fictional over here, even though they look like made up by Andrew and introduced in PS2. Moving on.

####  **_\-- Jhonen Eggert-Vasquez_ **

The brother of Principal Business Man. Made a series about the times of Invader Zim: Born Again Christian, but named it simply "Invader Zim". He also has some wind powers and if he figures out you don't like Invader Zim, a tornado will lift your house to where he lives and he will deliver a lecture on how Invader Zim is a masterpiece.

####  **_\-- Falmer Trollz_ **

Oh, that's right. Us. The guys who practically invented the genre of MSTing. Ring Mater, the two transgender MSTers Skep Katty and Prettay Dog and others shall come down the history as the people who realized the non-falmer world sucks and any non-falmer literature must be overridden with falmer comments and everyone must see the true face of our Earth.

####  **_\-- Other_ **

I guess there's the worthwhile reads by other authors, but I listed the most important ones, so check up on these first and only then ask the local librarians what good reads we have besides these three. Oh, and  _ don't for the Mary Sues' sake ask for game plays. _ I'm serious.


	7. Concepts

###  **_\- The Internet_ **

The vast computer network that connects the whole world. The main attraction there is Facebook, and threatening to write mean things on one's Facebook page is a very effective way of scaring even a powerful human to submission (granted Facebook has been invented at the time you are in). Of course, there are also numerous sites of falmer trolling, such as FanFiction.Net, Archive of Our Own and WordPress, which disallow non-falmer trollz, so when joining one check your spelling and grammar. We are picky there.

###  **_\- The Hunger Games_ **

And of course our main attraction. The one where twenty-four people fight to death. And one wins.

I told some things about it in the history section, but just to reiterate: there is a cornucopia that other universes call the Sydney Opera House at the center of the arena for any Hunger Games, and being inside the arena for a non-tribute is extremely dangerous.

Oh, and if you see a falmer troll in the Hunger Games, you should know that a powerful human, or a “3 tribute”, is in and that the point of that particular Hunger Games episode is to kill off the powerful human, rather than simply killing off the non-falmerz.


End file.
